dissapointed..

yeah.. until lately.. i know.. you also like me.. but it was too late for everything.. i too late to understand that.. until now i'm going to uk.. i work at kl for only one purpose and you know it.. and.. we cant meet anymore.. just now i stay at your gate so long.. just wan to get a single kiss from you.. that's it.. i dunno y you keep avoiding me.. but i think now already no use for me to know that reason ba.. i really hope that 23rd you will come to airport.. i promise you sin.. you will be the 1st person i wanted to find after i come back to malaysia.. take care yourself.. sin.. if you found better guy rmb post in fb like you told me..

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Ke Sin

ke sin.. if u reading my blog.. i just wan to tell you.. how important u are..
when i so depress about my pass relationship (turtle).. i almost lost hope.. until the day we met.. rmb on the way to lecture..? i called you from behind.. hehe.. we go to school together by bus.. we talk.. we laugh all the way.. and there.. your eye.. attracted me so deep.. obviously.. i completely melted.. u know..? when we talking on the bus.. the sun.. shine on your face.. your eye.. just kill me.. haha.. is true.. from there.. i started to like you.. and yes.. you are the cure of my past..

day by day.. i like you more n more.. my urge to ask u become my girl is so strong.. but all hold by my pledge.. i swear to myself that i can't accept another girl.. unless i have completely forget turtle.. we still hang out together.. n i rmb when u go euphoria that night.. wear a jeans skirt n a black singlet.. i know that time i act like a kid.. i not dare to approach you.. not dare to dance with you.. stilll avoiding you..

poppy night.. i also rmb you wear a black dress.. black shoes.. black handbag.. they still joke at you.. they say u r black widow or black witch liao.. that night.. my courage was given by alcohol.. when i sent u back.. there i taste ur lips.. your kiss.. i cant forget that night..

so.. feeling get stronger.. i trying to tell you.. but everytime.. it is not a very good answer.. i was so sad everytime u reject me.. you say.. it is too late to confess.. you say.. dowan couple with the same course guy.. you say.. i was too thin.. you say.. i am younger.. but.. sometimes you give me hope.. i am so.. confuse.. ya.. confuse is the word best fit me at the time.. sometime i msg you and waiting for whole day also no reply.. sometime i call u also reply so cold.. (to be cont..)

copy and paste..

其實不是有個女孩，而是有兩個女孩。
一個出現在之前，一個出現在之後。
姑且，我們叫她之前，也叫她之後。
而他界在之前與之後之間，姑且，我們叫他永遠。
之前出現在永遠之前，在很久以前。
她的笑永遠忘不掉，她的大眼睛永遠忘不掉，
她的聲音永遠忘不掉，她的可愛永遠也忘不掉。
而她給永遠的傷害，永遠也忘不掉。
在很久以前，之前愛上了另一個男孩，她沒告訴永遠

所以永遠一直以為之前依然深愛著永遠。
直到之前的大眼睛裡再也沒有永遠，
再也沒有愛著永遠的光芒閃爍著，
永遠才發現，之前變了。
但永遠看不出之前哪裡變了。
或許是態度變了，或許是語氣變了，
或許是感情變了，或許是整個人都變了。

但永遠不想承認之前變了，因為永遠相信著之前，
他深深的愛著之前。
直到永遠看見之前與另一個男孩，
在永遠所熟悉的那張溫暖的床舖上。

永遠的心在那一剎那間流不出血來，連哭泣的力氣都沒有，

只是靜靜的看著之前與那男孩的纏綿。
但永遠選擇繼續愛著之前，寧願忘記之前的錯。
有一天，永遠告訴之前:
「我可以什麼都無所謂，只要讓我繼續愛著妳。」
之前只是冷冷的看著永遠，
然後冷冷的說:『我忘不了他。』

就這樣，永遠與之前將近700個日子的愛情畫上了紅色的句 號。

後來，永遠變了。
永遠變得不再重視愛情，永遠開始玩弄愛情，
永遠把自己關在自己心裡，
因為永遠發現，不讓自己跑出來才是真正安全的。
永遠開始學著之前，因為他覺得之前愛人的方式好輕鬆，
讓人好不能離開或忘懷。
永遠看著自己曾經被之前割過的感情傷口，發現那是一種成長，
不管是不是負面的，他都喜歡那傷口留下的痕跡。

所以永遠開始為所欲為，開始依然故我，
開始漫不經心，開始一切都不在乎。
只要是安全的，不會再被傷害的，永遠都喜歡。

直到之後出現了。
之後是個絕頂聰明的女孩。
之後有所有永遠沒見過的女孩特質，
有永遠沒嘗試過的愛情挑戰，
有永遠沒聽過的特別見解，
有永遠從來沒見過的可愛。
因為之後總是能讓永遠吃鱉，所以永遠對之後很感興趣。


永遠開始追之後，很努力的追之後，
之後發覺自己
已經沒有辦法抵擋永遠的攻勢。
之後跟永遠在一起了。

但請記得，永遠已經是個為所欲為，依然故我，漫不經心，
什麼都無所謂的永遠了。
他追之後的時候是這樣，
追到之後的時候也是這樣。
但之後要的不是這樣。
之後是個愛情至上的女孩，
之後喜歡甜蜜，喜歡浪漫，
喜歡沉浸在愛情裡的感覺，
喜歡所有永遠不喜歡的。

所以永遠漸漸發現，
之後只是個特別過頭的女孩，
並不是他想要的。
永遠喜歡自由，喜歡無拘無束，
喜歡依自己的方式過愛情，
喜歡所有之後不喜歡的。

有一天，之後告訴永遠:
『你好冷淡。』
永遠聽了之後，只是冷冷的告訴之後:
「我就是這樣，因為之前教我的。」

看到這裡，或許你們會發現，
之前真是厲害，永遠真是笨蛋，
而之後真是可憐。但故事還沒完。

就在之後與永遠在一起的第九天，
永遠與之後分手了。
原因無它，只是永遠覺得之後不適合他，
而之後覺得永遠可以改變。
永遠真的不會變，
永遠將永遠都是那個為所欲為，
依然故我的永遠。

之後開始軟化，
開始無所謂永遠不變的事實，
開始委屈自己，
開始發覺自己深深愛著永遠。
但，永遠愛之後嗎?
不。永遠只是在那一剎那間發現自己愛上了之後，
在永遠為之後叫了輛往機場的計程車，
為之後關上門的那一剎那。
只是那一剎那而已，永遠還是不愛之後。
因為永遠覺得之後只是個特別過了頭的女孩，
並不是永遠想要的。

後來，之後回到了台北。
之後很難過，
之後很想念永遠，
之後願意為永遠放棄所有，
甚至是尊嚴。

分手後的第一天，之後告訴永遠:
『我可以什麼都無所謂，只要讓我繼續愛你。』
有沒有覺得這句話很熟悉?

是的。
這是永遠在很久以前告訴過之前的那句話，
不顧所有的尊嚴，
任意踐踏自己的那句話。
永遠嚇了一跳，永遠彷彿看見了自己跪在之前的面前，
掉著男兒不輕彈的眼淚，苦苦哀求之前再給他一次機會。
後來，之後傷透了心，因為永遠告訴了之後:
「我忘不了她。」
　
之前在哪?
之前在永遠心裡最愛也最恨的地方。
　
之後在哪?
之後在永遠心裡最痛也最深的地方。
　
永遠在哪?
永遠在之前心裡最愧疚的地方。
　
永遠其實不遠，之前其實也不前，之後也不很後。

只是愛情在這三者之間，存在的只是痛。
這一切都是因為.....
「我忘不了他(她).....」


愛情，在沒有過去與未來的牽絆時，才是真正公平的。會覺得自 己在看一篇讓腦筋轉動的文章~
必須讓自己很清醒也很安靜的思考這文章~

"永遠其實不遠，之前其實也不前，之後也不很後"
很多時候人很矛盾~在自己的圈圈內打轉而不自覺~
為了未來仿造過去認為的對~
為了不傷自己~選擇傷害別人~

為什麼人總學不會在傷痛之後~
讓傷痛不在出現在別人身上~

誠如音樂裡的"成全"歌詞
不要為了勉強可笑的尊嚴~
所有的悲傷丟在分手那天~
未必永遠才算愛得完全~
一個人的成全好過三個人的糾結~

也許曾經付出愛真的難收回也難癒合~
但是糾結下去似乎沒有很大的幫助~
只會讓傷口永遠痛著~

喜歡這一句話
Love : 愛情，在沒有過去與未來的牽絆時，才是真正公平的

但願大家都能細細品味思考~

sing~! sing loud loud~! drum~! after cny you're mine..

as title explain everything

turtle turtle~

i was wrong.. i have affair with another girl make u dun trust me.. that's y u tied me.. i always wanted a stupid 'mature' relationship mean i want freedom.. i dowan u to tied me.. i want u to trust me.. that's y after that incident.. i willing to put down my man's pride just to make u smile.. this is the mature relationship i talking about.. but guess what.. end up i get fed up being tied by u.. i complaint to my brother.. i guess that really piss u off.. so.. u tied me..? i tied u.. i dun let u out with others ppl bcz i dun even TRY to trust u.. i should at least try to trust u.. yeah.. i am stupid.. i saying all this not bcz i want u turn back to me.. i just want to tell you.. i'm happy to be single and not committed to anyone.. i have my own freedom.. how about u..? are you happy with your new boy..? i really hope you happy.. :D

without you, turtle.
1) i have more time to play my hobby, drum.. u know how excited i 1st time i hit the real drum n have a own drum stick..?
2) i become a popcorn man with the knowledge n experience keep gaining from this business.. it is fun doing business..
3) you teach me to be a better man.. i smoke, i drink.. that's just me.. happiness just come so easily if u just keep smiling like sohai.. even others ppl scold u..

p/s: freedom have no definition.. defined freedom has no freedom.. live ur life freedom-ly..

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time time time.. am i exist in this time zone..? i should really fix my time management..
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D: is a sad face actually.. i dun really smile for a long time.. until an brown brown eye capture my heart.. at least.. i happy to see her.. y am i so into her i also dunno..

share some secret with u all.. from my past experience.. If i like a girl and i tackle.. won't success.. but after that.. depends*
*apply to terms & condition

lol.. forget it.. just mumbler-ring at 5.40am....... insomnia accompany for more than 6 months.. aw... stop smoking but i just have shisha just now.. haha.. damn nice~

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i never knew u will say something like that..

couple day b4 i talk with someone we both knew.. then i asked.. what turtle tell u how we break.. u know what..? im a rude person that scold cibai lan jiao.. basically.. i dun treat those word very seriously.. but.. that person.. scold me.. KAN NI NA BU.. word by word.. slow and steady.. i was shocked.. or maybe angry.. n i can know that person scold me as he mean it.. great.. score 1 for u, turtle.. i really never knew u say something so ugly to others.. still ask me to listen kelly clarkson already gone..? lol.. funny.. i love to see ppl angry.. it make me feel that they are so stupid.. grabbing fist.. cursing.. lol..

i know.. turtle.. i say something hurt to u b4.. i regret it.. and i apologize.. if i nvr meet that person.. i never know what u tell others..